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Interview Results

The society finds it hard to handle inconvenient truths: We do not say: „Be careful when you are going home“ even though most abuse happens there.

The interviews revealed five main strands of tabooization:

• The normalization of domestic violence: domestic violence is normalized in using stereotypes of lesbians as being masculine, having volatile relationships, being aggressive, like drinking. But also the desire to be “normal” means that since domestic violence is normal and nobody is talking about it, the lesbian community is not responsible since in mainstream society nobody is talking about it as well. But those strategies of normalization are closely connected to minimizing domestic violence in not defining it as such. Further, in a lot of old novels about lesbian couples like Radcliff Hall’s “Well of loneliness” describe more or less lesbian life as a tragedy, there are only bad endings for the relationships. A partner dies or one is left. Lesbian women do not want to reproduce this myth and stay in their partnerships. At first sight this may be contrary to the myth that lesbians do have volatile relationships, but actually this is consistent. Volatile relationships and bad endings are same side of the coin while staying even in a abusive relationship might be the other side of it.
• Making it a gender issue: Feminism of the 70s promoted a picture of women as being peaceful, gentile and nurturing. Since women are “naturally” peaceful persons there must have been an extraordinary provocation so that she became violent. Further, since women are the “weak sex” they cannot inflict serious injury. This means, in needs a lot that a woman becomes aggressive/violent and if, she does not do any harm. Gender plays a major part in attributing aggression/violence to the bigger, physical stronger one.
• Silencing domestic violence: Strategies of silencing domestic violence can be found on an individual and on a community level.
  • Individual level: Women keep silent because they do not want to surrender their violent partners to a homophobic system. They do not want to “air their dirty laundry” in public, which is another strategy of protecting the aggressive partner.
  • Community level: The lbt communities are afraid that going public about domestic violence might promote a negative picture of lesbian women. This is viewed as being contrary to the endeavor for equal rights and being accepted as “normal”. Lbt communities promote very positive images of women-to-women partnerships; they talk about them in excitement. Revealing domestic violence counteracts this image. In case domestic violence is exerted in a more public setting like a lbt bar, usually both women are banned. Sometimes communities are so small that if there is a victim visible she automatically ostracizes her partner as being violent. Finally, l(g)bt media only very rarely publish an article about domestic violence. They view it as a private problem and not as a community one.
• Disconnecting domestic violence from the community: The experience of violence is closely connected to the idea that only very specific women may experience it, like poor women, women from the countryside of working class women. This opens up the opportunity of considering this “problem” not as a general one. Further, since it is a problem of only very specific lesbian women, there are no words to describe own experiences or those of one’s friends.
• Internalized homophobia: Some lesbian women connect former violent experiences e.g. in childhood, to their present lifestyle. And since coming-out has been for some of them a difficult time in which they have been confronted with negative stereotypes about lesbian women, this may promote a negative image of lesbian partnerships – which they internalize. Thus, the partner reflects the “negative”, despicable aspect of own identity and/or the lesbian women thinks that she does not “deserve” any better since she is living in a lesbian partnership.

Normalisation	Gender issues and stereotypes	Silence Community - Individual	Disconnecting domestic violence and the community	Internalised homophobia
myth of lesbians being in volatile relationships aggressive: bar brawls relationships lasting too long lack of moral courage: regular community witnesses but is not intervening explaining away behavior flippantly or as a joke One has to be more dominant in a relationship than the other one Life without her is worse than living with her Lesbians don’t like bad endings: they live up to myths about lesbian love as always going bad. So they stay. Domestic violence is a subject of disapproval for heterosexuals Often seen – no intervention = it must be normal, okay Closely related to gender issues Relationships always have a difficult side. Everyone should accept this and not make it a problem.	Internal community stereotypes and external stereotypes (prescriptions) Because women are not naturally violent, it must have been an extraordinary provocation = blaming the victim Feminism from the 70s furthered the taboo, with political lesbianism and the image of women as peaceful, gentile etc. To be abused by a man is terrible; to be abused by a woman is despicable. Women cannot inflict serious injury. The myth that “I will not be abused by a woman” The smaller/ shorter/ less physically strong woman cannot be the perpetrator The women who stay with their female perpetrators are weak. If there is domestic violence in a lbt relationship, one (the perpetrator) has to behave as a man = negative identification with heterosexual men; this behavior could not count for a lesbian or trans* person. Lesbians are superior to heterosexuals and don’t do gender based things. Domestic violence cannot happen in a lgbt relationship and therefore is not reckoned as a problem.	Denial – Shame – Guilt Speaking about one’s experiences and living in a homophobic society openly runs the risk of “handle” the partner to a homophobic system – so the person endures the attacks and keeps silent The “problem” is banned in asking both women to leave the bar etc. Lbt relationships are talked about in terms of fun/ excitement Lesbians do not air their dirty laundry When it is not spoken about, it does not exist Only “other” women experience abuse: cannot “own up” to it happening to one own It is only a specific type of woman experiencing domestic violence, e.g. Rural/ provincial or working class women The abuse is minimized “that’s not abuse…” Fear of “slagging off lesbians” – don’t want to speak negatively of the community Desire to be like average people – heterosexual people do not talk about domestic violence, so why should lesbians do so? Lesbian relationships have to be better than the heterosexual ones. It is a small community – everyone knows everyone Feelings of care for the perpetrators – they must be included into the community. Lack of resources No one wants to take a side An visible victim is pointing at another woman – and that is problematic The lgbt media are not interested and do not cover this topic.	Domestic violence is a heterosexual issue – it has nothing to do with lesbian women/women loving women. “Other” women may experience violence, e.g. poor women, women from outside of the cities … No connection between theory and practice/ own experiences, e.g. it is known that domestic violence is a problem, nevertheless people are unable to name own experiences or those of their friends. Making domestic violence a private issue Minimizing the abuse “that’s not really abuse, just …” Absolute inability to name or connect own experiences Lesbian women do not know how to talk about it since it is not in a heterosexual context Ban the trouble maker Disappearances of differences because of a growing acceptance of homosexuality (“we are all the same therefore it has nothing to do with us”).	Lesbian women do not want to reproduce “mistakes” from the majority society. This makes it even more painful to accept the existence of violence in women-to-women relationships. Since women had a hard time coming out there is a negative appreciation of lbt relationships “Minority stress” as an excuse for violent behavior (e.g. it seems as it is okay if a lesbian or trans* person behaves violent because she/he has had trouble at work because of her/his identity…) Presumed correlation between own sexual identity and the experience of domestic violence: experiencing violence e.g. in childhood and developing a lesbian/ trans* identity. So, if someone is a lesbian or trans*person, there is domestic violence in the relationship

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